I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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