i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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