Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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