the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
