i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
