if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
