The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
