i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
