i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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