Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
