i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
