OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize