I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
