Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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