Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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