I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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