oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
