i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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