so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
