you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
