Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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