the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
