Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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