hotel room ftw
are you so shy because you have an std?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize