A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
