am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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