I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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