I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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