from now on my penis is your penis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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