I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
