she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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