I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
