Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
