I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
