So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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