Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
