So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
