I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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