So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
