the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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