meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
