what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
