I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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