So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
