it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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