I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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