i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
