he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
