Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
