I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
