I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
