After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
