Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
