I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
