We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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