Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
