You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
