Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As shirtless as possible
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize