Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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