He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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