as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
