It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
