matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
