we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
