The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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