i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
