but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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