you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
