I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
