between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
