I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
