She announced her abortion via fbk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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