i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
