i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize