How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
